TREE OF LIFE REFLECTIONS

I have no clue about types of trees so I am not able to draw a specific tree, but I can see things about the trees that could remind me of self.  Thick, sturdy trunk, exposed roots that I trip over, a layer of protective bark, leaves that come and go, and the ability to weather storms.  I can see that although my tree is unique in its height, scarring and beauty, I am not alone in the forest.  I am surrounded by other trees that stay green all year round, plants that are resplendent in their diversity, and wildlife that is continuously investigating my foliage.  I am not alone…

THE ROOTS

I was born in Selkirk, Manitoba, but I consider myself a BC girl as my parents moved to Surrey in 1965.  My parents bought a tiny, three-bedroom home in Bridgeview where I lived with two brothers and a sister.  I do not remember much from this time except for a talking crow named Joe-Joe and HUGE rats.  There were several moves in childhood with my parents purchasing a house in West Langley where I spent my teen years.

The culture I grew up in was, of course, very different than today’s culture I find myself in.  Cars never came with seat belts and holding baby on your lap was the only safe place for her.  Everyone smoked everywhere.  Parents were expected to use corporal punishment to discipline and my mother did.  Although there were powerful upheavals in the 60’s and 70’s, it was business as usual in my microsystem.

The Ground

My ground(ing) has become my grandson Landon and my grandson Jaxon.  The more mature I become the more fascinated I become with children.  I go through phases – sometimes I prefer babies and at other times I absolutely love hanging out with toddlers.  But these two little boys have left a footprint on my heart and have glued together many of its shattered pieces after the death of my son.  So, today, my life is filled with play-dates where I get to pretend I’m “Claire” from Jurasic World or introduce them to old school card games like War and Go Fish.  I many not be able to remember very much of my childhood but I have been given the gift of creating the childhood “memories” that I have always wanted simply by being a G-Ma!

The Trunk

I was brought up in an authoritarian household, became a parent in the behaviourism culture of the 80’s, and believed in and followed the instructivism of society throughout the 90’s.  For many years, I believed in spankings, the 1-2-3 Method, and the “because I said so” approach.  Ironically enough, it took the loss of my eyesight to realize how blind I truly was…  I had to be vocationally retrained and enrolled in the Human Service Worker Program where I was introduced to Psychology, Sociology and several other “ology’s” that broke my mind wide open.  This time period also coincided with my early recovery which was simultaneously giving me a new perspective on the events in my life.  From 1994 to approximately 2001, all of my developmental domains grew exponentially and when I wore my cap and gown it felt more like I was graduating from finishing or etiquette school because I had become a better version of Donna T the blind lady 🙂

Now that I am wrapping up the academia portion of ECCE, I feel I have once again shed past thinking and approaches.  It would appear as if I have adopted a more constructivist viewpoint because of the content of this course.  I am comfortable with the theories and approaches discussed throughout this course and, as everybody knows, have become quite comfortable with my boy Vygotsky.  But being the single woman I am, I have begun flirting with Friedrich Froebel.  Not sure yet who has a better “approach” or which will make serotonin and epinephrine flow but I certainly look forward to the dance and it is hilarious saying his name!

As far as skills, man oh man, my confidence is definitely lacking these days as an early childhood educator.  Picking an effective prevention or intervention strategy is easy staring at a computer screen knowing there is a delete/backspace key.  Neither of my grandsons come with this feature!  And it honestly feels so long ago that this information was presented that I am unsure if I will be able to recall it.  Hopefully early learning centres are comfortable having students come this Fall so I don’t lose it all completely.

The Branches

I occasionally play “If I won the lottery…” but for the most part I have become simplistic in my hopes, dream and wishes.  Life events have anchored me elbows deep in reality so I no longer quest after love, money or happiness – for some reason, there never seems to be enough when I thirst for them.  My branches grow thick and strong when I strive for contentment rather than happiness.  When I am feeling contented, I am less likely to “need things” and I spend less money.  And love has been the best part of being content – it has allowed an understanding of how I need to be loved and how I need to show love.  With this understanding came the love I was so thirsty for all those years ago.  Contentment and love is a reciprocal process for me and over the years it has helped me to become comfortable in my own skin.

Short-term Plan:  Graduation 2020

Long-Term Plan:  Let me survive the pandemic and then we can talk…

The Leaves

I’ll state the obvious – Landon and Jaxon – and their leaves are young, green and wide-open.  Unfortunately, my daughter’s leaves are wilting a little these days.  Our relationship has had to flourish at a distance and her side of the tree has not received the direct sunlight or nurturance of her mother.  The woman I call my best friend would be Ms. Morgan and her leaves have a defined navy blue border at its edges but the warm, golden colours of Autumn throughout the body of the leaf.  My father’s leaves are hilariously shaped with  a hint of fragility but yet the colour of mid-summer’s dark green.  My big brother Darren has recently reached out to me so his leaves are teeny-tiny buds that are questioning if it is Spring and time to bloom.    The Fitz Family leaves are twisted and tangled around each other, the branch, the trunk, the other leaves the other branches…  The abundance of leaves on all the other branches represents my recovery family.  I feel contentment watching the beauty and splendor unfold as these leaves progress through their seasonal changes.  Finally, my leaf is vine-like , can sprout throughout the foliage, and displays a vibrant, multi-coloured flower.  I am an import person in my life but will go and grow where I am needed.

The Flowers & Seeds

The one practice tool that the ECCE program has gifted me is simple – Be Safe, Be Respectful, Be Responsible.  This is so simple and yet it took this long for me to hear it.  And scaffolding of these rules can be done as children get older, with appropriate classrooms rules always coming back to these three core rules.  This is the mantra that I would like as my flowers and seeds.  Perhaps if we had a generation that shifted from three rules to three principles they could move us a step closer to Utopia…

When I die, I hope I can have on my tombstone, “A finished product of Alcoholics Anonymous”but as I am suppose to be “living just for today” I guess this is another “to be continued” chapter in the blind lady’s adventures.